Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
