I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
