Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
