everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
