I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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