I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
