I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
