Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
