just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
