Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
