i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
