I'm really into asian looking animals
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
