you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
