we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
