You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
