he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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