dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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