Screwed.edu
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
