She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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