ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize