So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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