Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
