doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
