i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
