This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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