Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Randomize