You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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