Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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