With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
