i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
