If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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