there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
