I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
