my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
