he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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