i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The air taste purple.
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