I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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