Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
