Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
