I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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