he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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