Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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