people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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