Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
as a side note pls kill me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize