Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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