I could have mohawked her pubes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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