Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
