all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
