this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
