I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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