well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
