Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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