Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
