Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
