i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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