I can text with my tongue
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
