after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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