yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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