Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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