if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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