He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
