I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
