I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
