no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
