i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize