I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
