You're my little dorito
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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