Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
