A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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