is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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