But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
