im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
These tits shall not be calmed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
