HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
