I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
