Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
